Accident

Boy, what a night have we had! I don't even know where to start. Maybe with the fact that I have had the past 5 hours to think over what a crappy mom I am... It all started with my bright idea that we go for a bike ride. Even though we had all had a long day, I wanted to go. The kids really liked where we biked last week, so we went to our friends house that they are building and they weren't there. Then we went by another family and they weren't there either. Then I told Bob we should go see some other friends and he said that we shouldn't go. But he didn't have a good reason so I talked him into it. It is of course almost 9pm- but it was still bright and everyone was having fun. Our friends were home and we were able to say hi for a few minutes and then we started to head home. It is the busiest street we have ever ridden on as a family and most of it was downhill. I stayed behind with Tyler because he kept falling over and it was getting darker which worried me.

So, we fell behind and I could see Bob and the girls way too far ahead. I became angry because Bob wasn't looking behind to see that we were so far behind. Then as I was riding, I saw these guys on motorcycles take a second look at this pile and then turn around. I looked forward to see a clump of kid and bike and belatedly realized it was my kid. I raced over to find Marisa's face covered in blood and blood strewn along the pavement. She was scared to death and moaning in pain. The kids on the motorcycles were actually our next door neighbors. He happened to have a cell phone so we called 9-1-1. Her face just kept bleeding and became so swollen. I was surprised the ambulance was there probably within 3 minutes of the phone call we made. They put a neck brace on and then tied her to a back board. She was in a lot of pain and they wanted to make sure she was ok.

There was an ambulance, police car, and another one all with their lights on. We caused quite a scene with about 30-40 people watching. I called my friend Joanna and she was there within minutes and took my other 3 kids who were crying, home with her. (Tyler was sobbing saying he didn't want Marisa to die!) I was very composed until I saw her and then became a mess. The people around us were so kind. A man offered his truck to take all the bikes home for us. Bob went with him and I rode in the ambulance. The whole time in the ambulance I was fuming at BOb for leaving her and not looking back to make sure she was safe. She was his responsibility at that point. Then I would look at her strapped down and she her tears streaming down her face and I wanted to scream. By the time we reached the hospital I realized who I was really mad at...me!

We were there from a little after 9pm and got home at 2:30am. They did a CAT scan and then a myriad of Xrays. They were concerned that she had broken her cheek bone, jaw, or a rib. She was very lucky as she came out of this with no broken bones. On the way to the XRAYS we saw our next door neighbor, the Mayor , has been brought into the ER as well. I still don't know what happened to him. She did have 2 lacerations on her cheek and so she got about 10 stitches. The doctor says hopefully the scarring would be minimum. She was upset since we are having a mini Hart reunion next week and she didn't want to be like this. She is very sore and I think she will be more so tomorrow. Her ribs, back, and head hurt really bad and her jaw is hard to move. The doctor said she is so lucky she was wearing her helmet. It was smashed a bit on one side and had blood on it. I took a picture and she looks much better than she did at the hospital, they cleaned off all teh blood before we left. We just got her the medication and she is sound asleep. It is now 3am. Joanna kept the other 3 kids overnight I am scared to go to sleep because a) I am worried about leaving her alone and b) I can't get over what a loser mom I am.

We are so careful with these guys and this was all my fault.
1. We shouldn't have left our neighborhood
2. We shouldn't have been riding at night
3. We should have talked about never separating
etc.
I am just so upset at myself. We try so hard as moms to go through life protecting our children and when they get badly hurt over something that is our fault, it makes it hard to deal with. It could have been so much worse. What if she had been hit by a car? Will I ever feel ok enough for us to go out again? As tears streamed down her face, with her hand covered in blood, she looked at me and said "Why did this have to happen to me?" Someone might as well have kicked me in the gut. I know we can't protect them from everything, but I should have been able to forsee this. Sorry, I am just having a hard time dealing with this. Sorry, grandparents, we didn't call from the ER. We wanted to wait til we had the results of the XRAY and we didn't get them until 2 am.

Must get sleep...