Tubing Down the Provo River

Tubing Down the Provo River

I would like to say in advance that my writing is in no way good enough to capture the events of our adventurous afternoon, but I will try anyway. To get the full effect though, you probably had to be there.

Bob found this place where we could tube down the Provo River. I have fond memories of going down that with my own family growing up. The heat here is gross so we were so excited to go!

When we got there, we had to put on these enormous vests. I’m not kidding. They weren’t like the little weird orange ones we wear for canoeing. These were beast-like and we looked pretty silly. They boarded us all onto school buses to transport us up the river. (People were kayaking, rafting, tubing, etc.) We were given instructions on the way. We listened very closely as to follow them closely and such.

You have seen “Lazy Rivers” at water parks right? Well, I think that’s what we were all picturing. This description on their website is an understatement: “Tubing on the Provo River is strenuous and requires good swimming skills and physical fitness. You will encounter bridges, rapids, low-hanging branches, rocks, cold water and other obstacles.” My response…YOU THINK???

So, we get to the point where we put our tubes in. Only Alayna and I are tied together. And we take off...The current was much faster than we anticipated and our ability to maneuver these plastic donuts was greatly underestimated!

Sitting in the tube the way you are supposed to, just makes you go in circles like a spinning top and hit every tree along the bank. Going superman style is awkward, you look like a dork, and you can’t navigate that way either. So, being the intelligent person I am, I opted for Alayna and I to kneel in the center so we could lean over the front and use our arms to “paddle”. It would have stayed a brilliant idea if I hadn’t fully rammed my knee into a giant submerged rock from heck. I’m shocked my kneecap didn’t shatter. SO, I found the best position was squatting, knees up, and bum on one edge of the tube.

Kayla rammed straight into a huge tree on the side and flipped over, INTO the tree. She was screaming for help, but we were all ahead of her flying down the river with no way to stop. I am not exactly sure how she ever got herself back out.

Tyler was having a terrible time and then completely flipped over. I grabbed his raft, and he held on for dear life as we hit a huge set of rapids. He tried hard to get back in, but couldn’t even lift himself out of the water. His poor legs and stomach hit all the rocks as we flew down the river at what felt like 60 miles an hour. He is very loud and his voice echoed through the canyon, “Oh, the PAIN!!!” “I can’t get up” “Oh, it hurts” “Oh, so much PAIN”. I was dying laughing as I tried hard to navigate us (which was useful as trying to drive a car with a banana.) and poor Alayna had to be a ball, curled up in her tube to avoid getting whipped to death by the tree limbs. Never have I wished so hard for a video camera!

Meanwhile, Bob is having a perfectly leisure stroll through the middle of the river not hitting a dang thing and his long arms working as perfect propellers…..no sign of Marisa….

At the end of the rapids, we found small island (actually we hit it) and dumped out our tubes and hooked together with Kayla. That’s when I noticed my flip-flops were gone. (Remember I was picturing a lazy river…). As we continued down the river, we were told we had to go to the right of the next island. Yeah, right? We were going full throttle to the left. Thank heavens some fishermen grabbed us and shot us off to the right as the left would have been treacherous and we probably would have been seriously maimed!

We finally caught up to Bob and Marisa and all hooked together for the remainder of the time. We were speeding down the river when we saw the bridge. Instructions were to “exit 50 yards to the right, carry your tube over the bridge, and re-enter the other side”. NOT EVEN! It was more like “Oh my crap! We can’t stop. We are all gonna die!!!” I hopped out and pulled a full “Fred Flintstone” with my bare feet to stop our 4 tubes. It took so long to stop. Bob got out with ease (figures). Marisa tried to get out, got a foot stuck in the tube, and was hurling towards the bridge. Bob caught her in time and helped her get out. Then, lo and behold, a flip flop floated by and it was mine! Yeehaw! We had to climb over a giant fence and carry these giant heavy tubes to the other side- me with one flip-flop.

Getting in on the other side was no picnic either. I hopped in too fast, flipped my tube, and ended up sitting on the bottom of the shallow river wearing my tube as a hat. The rest of the way, we hit almost every rock! We flew into the bushes constantly with Alayna playing a “ball” and Bob getting a branches massage every few feet. The place to get out was as treacherous as the bridge exit. Marisa completely flipped and Tyler lost his drawers!

We survived and came in 40 minutes after everyone else in our group. But you know what the amazing thing was? Through it all we had the BEST time. We were laughing and joking through the whole thing and was one of the best experiences we have had as a family. I think it was a great ending memory for Marisa and a trip we will surely never forget! To sum it up, Ill quote Alayna who said, “That was NOTHING like the brochure!”