One special moment

There was one particular moment on our trip that was truly surreal. We were at the beach in Grand Turk, which is one of my favorite spots in the world. The weather was perfect. The water is a turquoise/aqua which is hard to grasp if you aren’t there in person. We had this part of the beach to ourselves and Ellie and I were in the water. We were going up and down with the waves. Up and down. Up and down. She fell asleep in my arms. I looked around: I was in one of the most beautiful places in the world, I had my grandbaby asleep in my arms, I saw the rest of my family snorkeling a few feet away from me with sea turtles and I felt such a deep, deep peace. As I looked around, I realized…THIS is my Why. All I could hear was the waves and my priorities as to what truly matters became clearer than the water (if that’s even possible). I wish I could have captured that moment somehow. But this picture is my reminder of what truly matters and how grateful I am to experience that beautiful moment of peace and joy!

This photo has meaning...

This photo has meaning...

What you don’t see…
…Is the pain. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) about 13 years ago. It has been a tough road. While there are things to help with the pain- it is something that will be with me the rest of my life. There is no cure. It affects every single moment of my life.
…Is the constant, unyielding exhaustion. The need for 10 hours of sleep every night just to function. The sometimes 50 hours I sleep I need on long weekends. And the terrible pain I experience when I can’t sleep.
…Is how I have always taken care of myself and my health since Bob and I were married. But despite this, I started rapidly gaining weight.
…is that I get up at 4:30AM every day to do the treadmill and strength training to help stay healthy and help with the pain. I am very careful with what I eat. But I feel judged because I kept gaining and gaining and gaining. Doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong and I know people look at me and go “Wow- she was a dancer- look at how she has let herself go”. I beat myself up with that. I beat myself up hard- even though it’s not my fault.
…is that this entire past year was packed full of doctor visits and so many tests. Was finally diagnosed with another life-changing chronic illness with no cure. You can’t imagine the tears- both for getting answers and for another debilitating illness to add to my life.
…is that even with this diagnosis- there was still something wrong. Add more tests, more dr visits, more specialists. FINALLY diagnosed with a rare eating issue called FODMAP intolerance. Long story short, my body can’t “read” certain foods- like apples, avocados, yogurt, cheese, cherries, etc- the exact menu I was eating to be healthy!
…is that every day for the past few years I come home and go straight to my bed. I hook into several machines: a large heating pad for my back at 166 degrees, circulation boots to warm and circulate the blood in my legs, and a TENS unit for muscles acting like jerks. I go to sleep by 6:30.

Why I am proud of this year:
… I have lost 26 POUNDS this past year!!! It helps when you eat things your body can read! And keep your body stabilized.
… Yoga has literally changed my life! Since my husband and I started (in June) to do yoga every night- I haven’t had to hook in to my heating pad, circulation boots, and TENS unit. Do you know what a miracle that is???
…I LOVE my job and hope and pray that every day I make a difference.
…I ended my year with in the most beautiful places with my most favorite people in the world.

Bring on 2020!