Martha Stewart, a bowling meet and The Toilet Paper that Caused a Heart Attack

Martha Stewart, a bowling meet and The Toilet Paper that Caused a Heart Attack

The TP that almost killed me

Apparently I watch too many crime shows, but I really love them! CSI, NCIS, CSI Miami, CSI NY, NCIS-LA, Law and Order, Bones, Castle, etc. They are my favorite movies too. I find them “fascinating”. So, one night this week, when Bob and the kids weren’t home, it was late at night and someone started knocking at the door. Scared me to death since it was late and dark and the knocking was creepy. I heard voices and the doorknob was jiggling. A few seconds later, I heard the voices in the backyard and that’s when I went into survival mode. I didn’t even made a sound and crept like the peptobismol pink ninja that I was down the hall. I heard the door jiggle again and my heart was pounding out of my chest. Then it dawned on me that I am the Queen of all idiots. In my survival-mode-stealthy-ninja-crawl I had forgotten both cell phones on the table. So, now what? I’m proud to say there are no weapons in the Marisa’s room, but that didn’t HELP me. My mind is swirling with “who would want to kill me?” “Oh my heck- is it a student?” and “Dangit, why didn’t I ever take a self defense class?”

I got brave enough to peek out the window, but you must understand I was beyond terrified because the voices were right out the window. You know that scripture that says “Behold, a flying roll”? Well, that’s what I saw, lots and lots of toilet paper going into my tree, the bushes, on the potted plants. There were about 8 or so of Kayla and Marisa’s friends who were “decorating” our yard. Once they left (after taking a bazillion pictures) I got brave enough to look outside. They had tied a bag and toilet paper on the doorknob- Oh so THAT’s what the jiggling was for.

Now that I have my dignity back, I can say it was funny. But it’s a good thing those poor kids didn’t get “in” the actual door or they would have found out how much damage a stuffed panda bear could do!

Marisa’s date

Marisa had another fun date night with a boy from our ward named Kyler. He took her out to dinner and then they went to see “Unstoppable”.

Bowling meet

Kayla had her 1^st bowling meet this week and she did a great job! I loved watching her play and I’m glad she has found something else she enjoys doing. I tried to get some pics at home, but this year she hasn’t really been in the mood for posing for any pictures. She has a cool new jersey and an awesome sweatshirt that say “Linn Mar Bowling Team”. I also took a pic of her in their new French t-shirt because I think its hilarious.

Pilgrim day

Alayna’s 3^rd grade class had a special Thanksgiving feast and she got to wear her pilgrim outfit and everything.

Thanksgiving Fun

Thanksgiving was full of going to see Harry Potter (which Marisa says she has been waiting her whole life for), playing games and celebrating Bob’s 42^nd birthday! Happy Birthday Bob! We framed his BYU poster signed by Max Hall (who, by the way, used to come to our house for dinner when he served here as a missionary-small world!)

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.
(My sister posted this hilarious article and I just had to share. Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!)
I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries.
After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make.
Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.
The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork.
Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper.
The artist assures me it is a turkey.
We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline.
Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.
They are lying.
We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method.
We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like.
Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers.This will not be happening at our dinner.
For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed.
It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm, tasty bread.
Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance.
Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints.
You will still have a choice, though: take it or leave it. Thought you might all enjoy.
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either.
I am thankful.